If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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