i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
