I can text with my tongue
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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