please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
