he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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