My first STD was from a foam party
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
