I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
