How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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