Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
