My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
