The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
