New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
