well you can't waste a boner
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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