Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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