I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish I only lived at night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it penis luge time yet?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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