I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
