Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
