it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
