I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
