The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
