I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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