She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
