you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
