yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
