I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
