He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
