Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
