The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
