Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
