Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
