Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
