Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
