I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
