Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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