The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
