Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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