Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
