I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I intend to get homeless drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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