Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He better not be in your backpack
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
