well I can't set my house on fire every night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
