3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
