Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
