Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
