you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
