You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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