just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
