we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
