I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
