As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
