An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
