Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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