I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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