i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
