so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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